Memoir Monday: My T.G.I Fridays Conpiracy Theory

Memoir Monday

My T.G.I. Fridays Conspiracy Theory

This memoir is more of a concept then a story, but I did learn something about myself so the story is still passable…no matter how bad it is. The realization behind the concept is that I am a super-mega genius and have information that people will kill for. I am about to share that information with you. I just want you to brace yourself for what you are about to hear…T.G.I. Fridays is evil!

Now, I know what you are thinking: ‘T.G.I. Fridays can’t be evil, the food they serve is too good!’ WRONG! T.G.I. Fridays supports human-trafficking, child labor and prostitution! It is almost as evil as (dare I say it) Ronald McDonald. (*Cue suspenseful scary bom-bom-bom*). I have not-so-hard evidence and a witness to prove my hypothesis.

Let’s just assume you are a seven or eight year old boy or girl who needs to go to the bathroom and your neglectful parents refuse to accompany you because they are marveling over the quality of the food. Leaving you to walk alone through the playground and into the bathroom. And there is somebody sitting on the bench, somebody you don’t notice - watching you. He waits for the time to be right (when the fat guy sitting on the nearest table has just been served his food) to stand up and take out the syringe filled with ‘Azaperone’ (Azaperone is a kind of tranquilizer) and follow you in. Until finally he injects you, you have no idea about what has just happened until you wake up on a plane heading for Afghanistan where you will then be turned into an underage prostitute. And while all this is happening your parents have just finished eating their ribs….(dramatic, sudden pause to let you wonder whether that was connotation or denotation).

Those of you who have seen the movie Taken know how badly stuff like that effects families and those of you that haven’t need to get out from the rock you’ve been living under for the past couple of years. Anyways Kim (Liam Neeson’s daughter in the movie) has to go through all of the stuff that I just mentioned and that was about to be my sister and her annoying friend.

So here is what happened that led me to believe that all of that was true. My brother (Charlie), my parents and I were sitting around a table at T.G.I’s and I was eating my severely over-cheesed bacon-cheeseburger. (Which just reminded me that last night I became a vegetarian…I bet my vegetarianism will only last a week so there is no need to point it out). And Immi and her annoying friend were swimming and splashing the pool that belonged to the hotel next door,(even though they weren’t allowed to.) Never leaving the corners of our eyes.

After a while I stopped eating the nasty bacon-cheeseburger (it was over-cheesed to the point that I could no longer eat it) and walked over to Immi and Sophie (My sister and annoying friend). I told them that they couldn’t swim in the pool but they still lingered (like a bad-fart). Protesting, “But everybody is watching us!” And fair enough six of the staff members were staring at them, jaws on the floor (no doubt thinking about how much they would go for on ‘Pedophile eBay’)

Okay maybe if the evidence isn’t very hard but I still believe what I just said. If recommend heeding this warning: DO NOT GO TO T.G.I. FRIDAYS!!! If you don’t then we’ll see who will be laughing when you get shipped to Afghanistan. Also those of you who live near T.G.I’s (you know who you are) I recommend locking you doors, barring your windows. Because they will look for you, they will find you and they will kill you. (Allusion for the win!)

I just one to add that I am tired so forgive me for the crappiness of this story. L