Wordly Wise Wednesday: SCREW GOLDFISH!!!

Wordly Wise Wednesday

Screw Goldfish!!!

As you have probably noticed, the font I use is bigger. This is because many people got intimidated by the small letters and didn’t read my stuff.

If you own a goldfish then I mean every slight piece of offence you can find in this story. I just wanted to make that clear before I started.

Let me ask you a question, “At what point in your life did you decide to buy a goldfish?” Before you answer let me guess: After trying to be an affable person and trying to make friends, people took amiss and began to abhor you and that made you an irascible recluse. I say that because that is the only excuse for having such a boring pet, either that or you have a rail-road spike going through your head because you are never going to meet a sage saying, “E=MC Squared and have you met my fish Goldy?” are you?

After you have purchased the fish, what do you do with it? Watch as it swims aimlessly around in circles? Did your parents get so sick of your interminable entreating for a dog that they got impelled to buy you a fish to shut you up?

The next issue is the cleaning. Would you rather spend a minute picking dog poo up from the floor or spend an hour-and-a-half cleaning a bowl? While on the topic of ‘bowls’ I want to say that, “I enjoy customizing the bowl” is not a valid reason to get a fish. Did the idea of putting an over-priced, flimsy Sponge-Bob statue next to your dog’s bed haunt you to the point that you said, “That does it! I am putting this spongy piece of crap in a bowl if it is the last thing I do!” and make you go on a ‘Nicholas’ tirade.

I understand how snapping, saliva-covered jaws and teeth can leave you tremulous but if that is the case get a hamster or something that is remotely entertaining. Look at me for instance. I got sick of asking my ‘douchey’ parents for a dog and got a hamster and I am currently training him to be a ninja…I really need a life. But then again, at least I don’t get profound happiness to a new addition to my facebook friend list. Those of you that do, stop acting that a new friend is as good as ribs…because it isn’t!

If you enjoy the sound of the bubbles from the filter exploding and the vibrations reverberate around the bowl then you are no less boring than ‘Mr. I invested eight-hundred hours o my time in Team Fortress Two (a really crappy video game)’…also known as Vigan.

I mean at what point in your life did you decide, ‘I’m going to get something that I have to put a lot of my money and time into and not be able to play with it, hold it or throw it at my brother?’. GET A DOG PEOPLE!!! You can actually hold it, play with it and throw it at your brother. (It’s what I did…twice). Or if you cannot get a dog and you are desperate for a pet, get a cat! You can train it to ask if it can ‘has a cheezburger’. Look at Vigan for example, he has nine cats! Actually scratch that- I cant handle the stress that comes with one Vigan.

I know that we had to write something thought-provocative and you came here to read something thought-provocative…obviously you came to the wrong place. Instead of being interesting today, I wanted to write about how ‘sucky’ fish are. Also I had to write about my love for Lol Cats. How can you not like cute, smiley cats dat cant spel coractaly? (Lol Cat grammar was deliberate by the way). Anyways, (Quick message to Dyvon and Mikkel: Saying okay and anyways does not make me gay!) to conclude: I HATE GOLDFISH!